


It Ain't Me

by 4theluvofall



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 09:17:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12528036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4theluvofall/pseuds/4theluvofall
Summary: You're plagued with memories of your past relationship with Bucky Barnes.





	It Ain't Me

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration came to me from the Kygo and Selena Gomez song “It Ain’t Me” particularly the following lyrics:  
> I had a dream  
> We were sipping whiskey neat  
> Highest floor, The Bowery  
> Nowhere's high enough  
> Somewhere along the lines  
> We stopped seeing eye to eye  
> You were staying out all night  
> And I had enough  
> No, I don't wanna know  
> Where you been or where you're goin'  
> But I know I won't be home  
> And you'll be on your own  
> Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?  
> Who's gonna rock you when the sun won't let you sleep?  
> Who's waking up to drive you home when you're drunk and all alone?  
> Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?  
> It ain't me

You woke up from another bad dream shivering. Instinctively you turned to your right before the harsh memory of how he was no longer there came crashing back to you bringing back that familiar ache in your chest.

Absentmindedly, you rubbed at it, as if you were willing the ache to go away, wondering if it ever would.

You knew you and Bucky were from different worlds, he was an Avenger you were a project manager. But somehow, the two of you made it work. He pursued you even though you argued that it would never work, his long hours and constant missions meant you went days, sometimes weeks, without seeing each other, but he persisted and eventually broke down your walls,  _ And look at me now _ , you thought darkly, holding yourself tightly turning away from where he used to spend his nights.

At first, it started with him not coming to you after his missions; he’d tell you he was tired and worn out and he’d always come the next morning but the fact that he didn’t want to see you sooner planted the first kernel of worry in your mind.

Then, he started staying out all night with his friends. He called it “blowing off steam”, as in, “You know how much I missed out on, so what’s the big deal if I spend some time with the guys blowing off steam? We spend so much time together, anyway.”

You didn’t know if he intentionally wanted you to feel guilty but you always conceded, feeling awful; you shouldn’t have to make him spend time with you, he should  _ want _ to.

It was after those nights that you’d find him crawling into your bed at all hours, drunk off Asgardian mead and distraught over everything he’d ever done. You’d hold him close, running your fingers through his hair, whispering soothing words until he’d eventually fall asleep with the morning light streaming through your windows.

You knew you wouldn’t be going back to sleep anytime soon so you dragged your feet to the kitchen to put on the kettle for tea.

You sat at your table, waiting for the water to boil and your mind went back to that last day.

You had stayed at work late to wrap up an important project excited about spending the evening in with Bucky. You had picked up all the ingredients to make ice cream sundaes and was going to order his favourite pizza. He wasn’t at your apartment when you arrived and you shrugged it off, chalking it up to him running late. After a few hours had passed with no word from him, you were worried sick so when he finally arrived at your door, you almost threw yourself at him out of relief. 

He didn’t hug you like he normally did and you noticed he couldn’t meet your eyes.

“Bucky? What’s going on?”

He didn’t even come into your home, just stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets, “Ah, shit doll, I don’t know… if this is gonna work anymore, ya know?”

You gaped at him, shocked into silence. You knew things were bad but you didn’t think they were  _ this _ bad.

“I mean, I love you - I’ll always love you, but I think I need some time … on my own.”

You just nodded mutely, tear filling your eyes.

“Shit, doll, don’t cry. I don’t want you to cry.”

You found your voice, “I - I don’t understand… why can’t we fix this?”

He shook his head, “I think it’s too far gone to fix.” Giving you one last look, “Take care of yourself, okay?” and he walked away.

Five years. Five years and that’s how things ended. You had kept in touch with Steve sporadically via social media and Bucky was doing well, he had met someone and they were starting a family. Though the final knife in your heart was how soon he had met her...which made you question if there was an overlap. 

You had asked Steve about it once and he refused to answer; his silence giving you the answer you needed.

You stopped talking to Steve after that.

The whistle of the kettle brought you back to the present. You shook your head, looking around your kitchen, your apartment haunted by memories.

Turning off the stove, you couldn’t bother making the tea. You walked back to bed, crawled under the covers and cried.


End file.
